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S1-027 Highway to the Danger Room
Highway to the Danger Room is the twenty-seventh episode of Season One of Queens of Adventure. In it, Booty and the Hofish meet a new ally and begin their Glamazon training. Synopsis Twelve days remain before a Kracken will destroy Fire Island, unless someone brings it the lost treasure of the Ziggurat. A party of drag adventures have journeyed to the city of Glamalala to receive special training to help them in their mission to save the island. Their last time in the city resulted in them being sentenced to death, but after surviving they accomplished feats which have earned them a second chance. The queens, Arson, Butylene, and Fraya have arrived at the gates astride a flail snail and a Nightmare. Inside they can see a bustling city filled with bridges, fountains, and aqueducts. A small delegation greets them, including Rigo, a figure in a tracksuit, and a lizardfolk barbarian carrying a whip and battle axe. The barbarian greets them and instantly begins reading them playfully. Rigo asks her to introduce herself. She is Irene Dubois, one of the only lizardfolk on the island, and has been trying to become one of the butch queen warriors. Few Glamazons are interested in fighting and she's been waiting for enough people to form a class. Rigo explains the island has had peace for two hundred years. The Glamazon in the colorful tracksuit, with a whistle around her neck, steps forward. She says she hopes they are ready to start working out. The group is curious about payment, as they dismount and other Glamazons take care of their mounts. The coach says there is no payment, and Irene implies their economy is 'clout' based. With the queens's consent, tailors appear at Rigo's signal to take their measurements and assess their color palettes before disbursing. All around the city, people are taking notice of the group. Rigo tells them they will be getting a lot of attention as no one has visited from the outside in 84 years and their's no protocol for welcoming visitors. He explains Glamalala is the city of memory, founded by three of the Great Houses: Wunderbred, Auberigine, Molestrangler. They established the city after escaping the event known as the Spreading Taint, which ended the Age of Queens. Arson somehow acquires bouffant wig shaped cotton candy as Rigo goes on to explain the etymology of Glamalala. Glama means beauty and la is place. The city is the "place in the beautiful place". Those glama birds are all around the city, and one poops on Fraya right then. Irene mentions she makes a lot of things from animal parts. Continuing the tour as the doors of the city close, Rigo points to the Weeping Wall. On the inside of the ring wall are the names of the tens of thousands of people for whom the city was founded, although Irene says only a few are important. Butylene asks how best to honor them, and mentions the shrines they saw on their way to town, and Rigo says there are a variety of ways and traditions: The Grove of the Radical Faeries, the Cathedral of the Seven Sisters, and a Genasi Shrine to the Four Elements. They head down cobblestone streets and market stalls. Crowds part to let them pass as children stare and people in animal masks whisper. As they pass more statues, Arson asks who they are. Irene seems uninterested in hearing about them again, and rattles off Honeybaked Ma'am, goddess of thickness who created double sided corsets. Ava Quedeu, founder of their food storage. One of the silos is blocking the thirteenth statue but they shouldn't talk about that. Rigo explains that the Glamazon culture is about honoring the memory of those who came before, both in statues and shrines but also the pursuit of objective beauty, both physical and internal. The standards of the ancient Queens of Adventure. Fraya notices one of them looks like the shrine they found that gave out kisses DCM tokens. Irene is shocked as she thought these statues were special. Another one Fraya notices one that looks like a witch with a Pomeranian they had met. Irene is dubious as the statues are all of queens from a thousand years ago. Rigo identifies this statue as Lady Edith Wunderbred. The queens confirm they met her, performed on her stage, and broke the fourth wall. Rigo says Lady Edith perished during the spreading Taint, but Fraya insists she died when her building fell on her, and explains it was their battle with a monster named Lashes that led to that collapse. Rigo leans in close and suggests it would be unwise to claim to have killed one of the revered matriarch, when so many Glamazons think their presence is abhorrent. They move on towards the center of town and Irene asks the queens more about them. As Fraya discusses her heritage and her worship of Cher, Irene mentions how they aren't allowed to drink here and they are only allowed to sing the national anthem. Rigo has to leave to return to the office, and leaves them in Remoulade's capable hands. The trainer will show them where they are staying, and while not confined to quarters, Rigo suggests they stay with Irene or Remoulade to prevent another execution worthy international incident. The coach takes over the tour and suggest they go to the Glamadrome. As they travel they pass bas-reliefs to various great houses, including Aubergine, Molestrangler, Bumblicious, Effluvia, and more. They reach a dome shaped building which Remoulade declares is the Glamadrome that also includes their accommodations during their stay, and where the training will take place. They already have their custom training uniforms ready as the trainer escorts them into the training room and heads to the control room. Fraya talks about the elder community outside of Oceanica and Irene is shocked there is a place outside the main place. Her town used to be secret until they were forced to seek out help. Her mother was the High Priestess, and not even she knew what happened to cause Fraya to lose her powers. Irene mentions their own secret society, Glamalalalalalans, beneath the city. They enter the facility, arena sized. It's glass floor has holes drilled into it and water lies under their feet. Remoulaude returns and demonstrates how they make fantasy a reality. With a finger snap, mist rises up from the holes. Another snap and light projections fill the room. The vapor swirls together as the light shifts and suddenly they appear to be in a theater, one that looks familiar. Irene knows it from history, while the party sees a brand new, perfect version of the theater from Wunderbred Manor. Fraya begins to freak out. Chairs raise below them, pushing them into a seating position, demonstrating that the illusions have mass. Remoulaude explains this is a wall of force spell also known as a Fourth Wall. Fraya tries to shape water, but finds the vapor is linked to the constructs. Remoulaude announces their first lesson: Introduction to Gliders! Which is on safety, shown as a video projection. The video is informative, but long, and a bit dated. Gliders are mostly capes with a frame that can snap into place. The fabric is iridescent like glama bird feathers. Then they go into a practical challenge. The group is now standing on stage. In the audience sit people of all kinds of races, wearing emblems of all kinds. Remoulaude explains that in the old days, the great queens inspired each other. These days inspiration tends to come from on high. Here they will teach them the old ways of inspiration. They can now give it to their colleagues. The exercise before them is the Coming Out Ceremony or Gla-mitzvah. They must put together a performance and share inspiration points. They will have thirty minutes to prepare a performance that tells them who they are, how they will use the powers they gain from training to make the world a better place. Irene throws out several ideas: She suggests that, since water is central to their culture, via the gravity of aqueducts, Fraya should impress them with her shape water. Butylene suggests lighting things on fire first. She can also hold her breath for 15 minutes. Remoulaude suggests no longer than five minutes each. Next Irene explains she is skilled with creating things out of creatures she slays. Arson thinks about how her powers tie into light and dark. She asks for the opening bit. Fraya wants to do something to distort the space on a global space. Arson gives her inspiration for that idea, and refines it to be very birth of the universe after Butylene wants to blow things up. Irene suggests someone comes along to tame it. Fraya diverts to an idea of a short interpretive Cher autobiography. Irene wants to slay a series of creatures and then create from it. With their planning time elapsed, their coach asks if they're ready to hit the water, which is what they say here. She asks who will begin, as she transfers control of the glamadrone to Arson in the form of a glowing slate tablet. The entire Glamadrone fades to black. After a long silence, a small light illuminates in the distance. Slowly more and more illuminate as the overture fades in of an orchestra tuning up. As the music builds with a lone trumpet, the lights rotate all together, picking up speed until it pulls the viewer into another dimension of possibility. Her performance is spellbinding. Butylene takes over, she explodes a bomb through a wall of mirrors using iridescent color vapor. She cartwheels onto stage towards an obelisk. She throws a fireball to light a sparkle on top of the monolith. Her acrobatics leaves her flat on her back as her wig is splayed out behind her. She makes snow angels, faking meaning to fall. The candles start to engulf the stage before it goes to black. An operatic song begins to play as a platform appears and a bat winged cat critter stands on it. It grows brighter as Irene leaps from a tower and slashes the cat. Another tower appears with a dog creature, which Irene leaps and slashes. This continues, in a circle, larger creatures each, for about seven times. Out of the back comes a giant Kracken. As it attempts to engulf the barbarian, lights go out, then come back up. She stands atop the Kracken and is weaving pieces of it into knick knacks, useful every day objects. Her animal handling skills are stunning. A tidal wave washes everything across the stage. They are now underwater. A Venus de Milo Cher appears on a seahorse. She rises out of the water and rushes towards an oncoming storm. She comes closer to a firey island, awash in the storm and destruction. Rain pours around them and freeze the lava into rocks, which begin to grow and flourish, turning into a beautiful jungle. With a burst of inspiration, the fleeting nature ''of the show causes everyone to catch their breath. A platform lowers, with the four queens joining together on and around it. After a moment of silence, there is applause. Remoulaude asks them to explain what it says about each of them. Arson says she came from the underdark and a dark upbringing, so hers is about lighting the way when you are surrounded by darkness. Butylene's was a reflection of her urge to burst through boundaries and bring levity to the world and ignite inspiration. People might misunderstand Irene as only wanting to destroy, but she wants to then create useful things for society from that, both those inside and outside the walls. Fraya is a wor-Cher-per and an adventurer. She likes to seek out danger, but can use her destructive powers to create life and calm destruction. Remolaude tells them that sometimes learning the old ways unlocks potential and uses cards to help the queens determine what they are. Fraya discovers she can still do lightning damage to creatures who attack her if she is out of channel divinity uses. Butylene finds her skill points improve. Irene realizes she can use her hungry jaws whenever she likes. Arson gains the invocation ''thirsting blade. After such a long day, the group is taken to their quarters and told they will do glider and skill training tomorrow. They can ring a bell to summon her tonight if they need Remoulade. The rooms are luxurious and comfortable. Butylene finds an old draglish copy of Works of the Sisters in a drawer. The queens ask Irene about nightlife in the city. She offers to take them out around the city and suggests Meteor. The location changes every night so the authorities can't shut them down. They put on outfits they find in their closets and head out into the evening. Even late at night the streets are busy. Irene gives some coin to some street performance harpists, and explains to her companions that this is called tipping. Fraya tosses a coin and Butylene a caltrop into the open harp case. The harp illuminates as the harpist, Harpy Harpington, waves. The group enters a garden and at the far end Irene pushes aside a leafy wall into a dark hallway. A minotaur leans against the wall and blocks their path. He accepts Irene's password but is wary of the HOGs, who may cause trouble. Irene uses her neck frills to intimidating him into letting them in, but he insists they are her responsibility. At the end of the hallway, they enter a nightclub. Glamazons are wearing togas. There is a bar with band playing classical orchestral music. Irene thinks drinks will be on the house for these guests, but suggests they not take any purple powder in the bathroom as she takes a booth. Fraya and Butylene head to the bar while Arson goes to check out the DJ. The bartender is a tortle in a pink wig and a gold lame apron who asks them if they can keep a secret. They can and she gives them two drinks. Fraya's is a big bowl drink to share. As she sips, the Tortle asks about the necklace she has. Fraya explains it is a chess piece which she has dedicated to her deity, Cher, who came after the old gods. Her testimonial bonds her with the Tortle, who considers looking more into Cher, and gives the drink to her for free. A tall human ranger approaches the bar and asks for water from the Tortle, who he calls Donatella. She doesn't want to give him once, which he claims is for a friend of his, so Fraya offers to create some water for him. She uses create water to make a glass, and pours some from her new decanter of water. Irene, holding the booth, notices Ranger Richard crossing the bar, and she gets excited being so close to him. He asks her why she is with the HOGs, and she stumbles through explaining they are training together to beat the Kracken. He explains they are criminals, including their recent death sentence, to her shock. She thinks they look harmless, but is torn by Richard's feelings when he says they are the kind of thing Glamazons are trained to defeat. He says he is going to report her for being in Meteor, she will be sent for rebeautification and they will be expelled. She says reporting her will reveal he was there too, and he tries to pull rank on her. She intimidates him into keeping his mouth shut or she will report him. The other ranger approaches with the ice glass. Irene says they've met before, Ranger Jimenez, as he hands Richard the water. As the rangers leave, she pulls out a marigold to smoke. Butylene arrives and she offers the tiefling a hit. The night passes with the group having a good time, and starting to make some friends out on the dance floor. Arson networks while Butylene plays her castanets to create a moth illusion. They stumble out of the club hours later. Irene then says she scored some purple powder, as Fraya is half asleep on someone's shoulder. In the morning, they wake up covered in purple glitter. Characters Party * Arson Nicki - drider warlock * Butylene O'Kipple - tiefling alchemist * Fraya Love - water genasi cleric * Irene Dubois - lizardfolk barbarian NPCs * Sweet Dream the Nightmare * Rigo * Remoulade * Harpy Harpington (debut) * Mini the Minotaur (debut) * Donatella Tortle (debut) * Ranger Jimenez (debut) * Ranger Richard Episode Notes Lore * The Treaty of Fire Island was signed 200 years ago, and ushered in an era of peace for the island. * No outsiders have been guests in Glamalala in over 84 years, although it is unclear if the 84 years is a precise timeline marker, or a running gag. It could be much longer. * The Glamazons believe that Lady Edith Wunderbred perished during the events of the spreading Taint a thousand years ago. Inspiration Earned * Fraya - idea of a spatial theme to their performance - given by Arson * Arson - creating a cohesive idea for their performance - given by Fraya * Butylene - for wasting her own inspiration point - given by Fraya * Irene - for her performance execution - given by Arson * Fraya - for the use of the word Fauna - given by Irene Memorable Quotes * "Are you six foot tall in Grindr feet or regular feet?" - Arson Nicki * "And I think it's so cute that you think you're butch." - Butylene O'Kipple * "I think one of them owes me a date." - Fraya Love * "Can you say traditions again?" - "I don't think I can." - Arson Nicki and Rigo Cayliss * "Arena sized, like sports facility sized. I don't know the name of any sports." - "Quidditch" - "She said quidditch so she doesn't either." - DM Matt, Fraya Love, and Irene Dubois * "It's okay, it's just velour honey. You don't need to freak out like that." - Irene Dubois * "Do you like green eggs and ham?" - "No, but I do like fisting." - Arson Nicki and Fraya Love * "Look, these are mealworms. I'm Old Witch." - Irene Dubois * "It's called a... tip." - "Thanks for the... suggestion." - Irene Dubois and Butylene O'Kipple * "If we didn't get sleep does it count as a long rest?" - Butylene O'Kipple References * Grindr * Quidditch * RuPaul and Lady Bunny * Green Eggs and Ham * Mister Mister * Star Trek Holodek * X-Men Danger Room * Simpsons - Troy McClure * Marxist and Foucault literary analysis * Marie Kondo * Latrice Royale - "Get those nuts away from my face" * Kusama Infinity Rooms * Monique Hart * Imax * Charlie's Angels * Steven Universe - The Diamonds * SNL's Stefan's Club Reports * The Eurythmics * Will & Grace - Schmitty * Friend of Dorothy Name That Tune * "The Pina Collada Song" - Rupert Holmes * "Whistle While You Work" - Mary Poppins * "Merry Old Land of Oz" - Wizard of Oz * "We Didn't Start the Fire." - * "A Thousand Miles" - Vanessa Carlton * "Mahna Mahna" * "Can't Get You Outta My Head" - Kyle Minogue * "Da' Dip" - Freak Nasty * "Physical" - Olivia Newton John * "Highway to the Danger Zone" - Kenny Loggins * "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger" - Daft Punk * "Set Fire to the Rain" - Adele * "Habanero" * "Overture from Carmen" * "Overture from 2001" * "This Fire" - Franz Ferdinand * Gaetano Donizetti's Lucia di Lammermoor "Il dolce suono" - As performed in 5th Element * Dov'e L'amore - Cher * "Sweet Dreams are Made Of This" - Eurythmics * "Wonderwall" - Oasis * "G*psies, Tramps, and Thieves" - Cher * "Believe" - Cher Behind the Queens *This is the longest episode of season one to date, unless counting the combined two parts of episode sixteen. *As of this episode, the rules of inspiration change. Now, each queen has three points of inspiration they can use in the regular way of giving advantage or counteracting disadvantage on a d20 roll. They can also choose to give inspiration to a fellow queen. When those are spent, the player can add a d6 to the better roll. *Each player is given physical inspiration tokens: Arson spiders, Butylene potion vials, Fraya seahorses, and Irene grubs. *Rigo claims Lady Edith Wunderbred perished a thousand years ago, however, he had reviewed the party's memories recently in the events of Lawful Neutral. Did he not notice Lady Edith in them? Or is he, someone who claims to serve truth, merely hiding this information from his fellow citizens? Category:Episodes Category:Season One